The Words I Did Say
Continued from The Words I Would Say….
That evening, I arrived at the event feeling relatively calm.
My day had started with reminders from both my mom and my sister-in-law that they were praying exactly that for me. I hadn’t invited anyone (this wasn’t about me, but about the graduates and their families) but my mom, my husband, our son, and his girlfriend came anyway. That meant so much to me.
I should tell you something special about the venue, too…
The church hosting Baccalaureate lost its building in a fire a few years ago. A beautiful new structure is now nearly complete, but in the interim, they’ve continued all services in the social hall of our local volunteer fire department. Incidentally, that social hall was formerly also a church. One that closed several years ago: The one I’d grown up attending.
I sat with my family and watched as graduates and their families arrived. The seats filled up. The pastor welcomed everyone. The school district Superintendent offered opening remarks that could not have fallen more in line with the message I’d prepared if we’d planned it that way – and we hadn’t. A host read my bio and welcomed me to the stage…
I walked to the front and took the microphone to say the words I’d come to say:
It’s my undeserved privilege to be here with you tonight. Being here, doing this, feels hard to believe for a couple of reasons:
First of all, a long time ago, this was my church.
My parents carried me though these doors as a baby to be sprinkled in baptism. I’ve walked through them countless times, and for some very important parts of my life. Even my wedding day. I stood right here and married that guy right there 28 years ago!
But still, I’ve never felt the kind of pressure I felt walking through them tonight. Not because all the other times didn’t matter a whole lot to me. Of course they did. But because this night matters so much to you. I only have one shot at saying something that might also really matter to you, and I take that very seriously.
This also feels strangely full circle to me, since I also graduated from Mapletown - way back in the 1900’s!
1990 to be exact, but before you check out on me doing mental math: YES, that makes me older than most – if not ALL – of your parents. As if that’s not already obvious…
Anyway - back then, there was zero percent chance I ever imagined being invited back for something like this.
Because truthfully? In high school - I was just kind of “there”. I never felt like I really fit… anywhere.
I was a major rule follower, so I definitely didn’t fit in with the group who bonded over taking risks that sometimes got them in trouble. There was NO WAY I would have risked getting in trouble!
So, I definitely wasn’t bad, but I was also never really good at anything, either. I wasn’t a natural athlete, or musical, or even exceptionally academic.
I tried just enough things to learn how it felt to fail, and that I really didn’t like the embarrassment that came with that. So, I just stopped putting myself “out there” when it came to anything that might single me out that way. The tradeoff was that it also kept me out of a lot of things that might have helped me better fit in with others.
Looking back now, I can see two things:
1. That was me handling my own insecurities the best way I knew how at the time.
2. To some, it came across as me thinking I was better than others.
That couldn’t have been further from the truth, but I really do understand it from all sides now. And I know that everyone was just doing the best they could at the time – just like I was.
But back then, it made for some REALLY tough days. I graduated just ready to move on. I didn’t contribute anything special to leave behind.
As my life’s unfolded, I’ve mostly stayed the person who was just kind of always “there”. Behind the scenes. Not front and center.
You might know my family: My husband, my kids, my brothers…
They’ve all done some very cool, brave, exciting things.
It’s been my privilege to be behind them, and I couldn’t be prouder to call them “mine”.
But their accomplishments are theirs. Not mine.
Toss all that together, and maybe you can understand:
When I was invited here to do this tonight, I’m pretty sure I looked over my shoulder to see who was standing behind me. Surely, they didn’t mean me?
Once I realized they did, I felt shocked and totally unqualified. But I knew there was only ONE right answer: “Yes.”
Now, the crazy story of WHY:
(Here, I told the story I shared in The Words I Would Say. )
This is all important for you to know.
I just mentioned how I grew up in “this” church.
I’m standing here tonight as the person trusted to speak to you on this occasion.
So maybe all that makes you assume I'm someone who has it all together, and that I’m here to try to tell you how to live.
But I’m not.
I’m 51-years-old and still have nothing together on my own.
I have to work every day at becoming more of the person I want to be.
My shortcomings remind me often about how far I still have to go.
But I’m finally, learning to trust that when I really seek God and ask His help first, things do fall into place.
Funny enough, there’s yet one more reason I never imagined this as my next step:
I’m a writer – not a speaker!
And I’m actually just now learning to call myself a “writer” – because I feel a lot more like “just a person who writes”.
Big difference.
I’ve always loved to write, and always felt better able to express myself in writing than in spoken words. (You can imagine how handy that didn’t come in back in my complicated high school days…)
I even have an Ernest Hemingway quote on my desk that says: “The writer must write what he has to say, not speak it.”
…I am SORRY about your luck for whatever that means about tonight… But here I am!
… And I think we need to pay attention to the things we really love and feel naturally wired to do. I think that can tell us a lot about God’s purpose for us.
Writing helps me pay more attention to my own life.
Especially to the ways I can see God at work in it.
I really love sharing that to, hopefully, help others see it in their lives, too.
That’s become my mission for my writing, even though I still don’t know exactly where it will ever lead me.
If only ever to right here, right now, then that is more than I ever imagined!
The story I just told you about that one thing I’d written landing me here is proof that God can and will use anything to put us where He wants us.
Even when we feel totally unqualified.
And I sure did when it came to having anything to offer you tonight.
What was I meant to say to you?
What can I tell you that will matter as you start the next chapter of your life?
What do I wish someone had told me when I was your age?
When I thought of it that way, the problem became not that I had nothing to say, but that I had so much…
Because somewhere along the line, I realized:
I am an expert in one thing, and one thing only: MY STORY. And the real story behind the parts you might see IS my message.
It matters not because it’s about me - but because of what God has done for and with someone as imperfect and unqualified me.
You don’t need someone to stand up here and tell you that they have it all together.
You need someone to tell you the truth.
That we all have stories behind the ones that other people see.
That in a world that gives us more ways than ever to compare and feel like we don’t measure up, it is OK to just stop believing that!
That it takes time to grow into who God made us to be, and it is OK to figure it out as we go.
That everything we don’t know - He does - and His plans are always good.
That you can always show up to your life – and especially to God – exactly as you are and trust Him to help you become who He made you to be.
Because He did make you – specifically, exactly you – for a reason. And this world needs what you have to offer.
I can look back now and see: The parts of me that so often made me feel like I didn’t fit in are exactly the same parts that make me… ME. And the hardest parts of my story, and what I’ve learned by living through them, have made my story mine.
What if the things that, at certain points in our lives, seem to be holding us back are actually - like a bow and arrow - pulling us back… preparing us to launch forward, to exactly where we’re meant to go?
I want you to launch forward in your story with so much hope! Ask God to show you the way, each step of the way; to use you to help accomplish the good things He wants for this world.
But be prepared! He just might lead you to places you never imagined for yourself!
When that makes you feel unqualified or afraid, remember that where He calls you, He’ll equip you to go. When you take the steps He puts in front of you, you cannot fail!
We often hear people say, “Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual…”
But I’ll tell you a secret: It actually does.
I’ve brought each of you a little gift…
I wish I’d learned far sooner than I did how really reading this book would change my life!
Yes, I grew up in church, but I didn’t really get into my Bible until I was 48-years-old.
Up until then, I found it overwhelming. Assumed it was hard to understand. Maybe even boring.
It is none of those things!
It is written to us and for us… And as for boring? Well, let’s just say that Netflix has nothing on King David and some of the apostles!
You might be stunned at what it has to say about whatever you might be facing now – and about everything you’ll ever face in the future.
I know that no matter what I say, opening it might still sound overwhelming to you. That’s why I’ve deliberately chosen to give you “The Message” version. It’s paraphrased in very common language, with none of the “thous” and “thys” that used to scare me away. Trust me?
I want you to know two ways it relates to what I’ve said to you tonight:
1) It is full of real stories about real people. Unqualified ones. Ones nobody else would have chosen. Ones who messed up in big ways. Ones to whom nobody else would have given a second chance. Those are the ones God’s used to accomplish the greatest things.
He’s not looking for perfect people.
He’s looking for willing people with open hearts.
Those who trust and want His best for their lives.
Because you’re here tonight, I think that’s you.
2) It also says very clearly that our stories of the way God has worked in our lives are the most powerful tool we will ever have, not only for accomplishing good in this world, but also for combatting the evil in it.
I’ll end with telling you about the other part of your gift…
This sticker says, “Don’t Forget Why You’re Here”. I hope you’ll put it on your phone, your mirror, or somewhere else where you’ll see it often, and remember this message. I’m giving you two: One to keep, and one to share with someone you think needs the reminder.
I mentioned that Spotify playlist…
I never used to listen to contemporary Christian music. I assumed it was boring and corny.
Wrong again!
Now, I choose it as the background soundtrack to just about every day.
I like the difference it makes in my mind and heart. I have a real “thing” about getting words and songs stuck in my head, so if that’s going to happen, it might as well be uplifting stuff!
But since I haven’t always listened to that genre, I still have a lot to discover.
Anyway, after I said yes to this, I kept listening to that playlist on my walks, trying to sort out everything I wanted to say to you. One day, the playlist ended, and Spotify kept playing similar music it thought I might like.
That’s when it gave me this one song.
I had no idea if it was new or old, but, whoa! It said exactly everything I hoped to!
For weeks, I’ve listened to it over and over, thinking of you and of tonight.
I’ve purposely tried to avoid knowing exactly who I’d be speaking to this evening.
I wanted this message to be what God would have me say - not something I came up with based on who I thought might hear it.
Just last week, while tying up the loose ends of this message, I finally took time to Google the song, so I’d have details to share.
I’d never doubted God’s hand in all of this - but what I saw still took my breath away!
This song - that I’d known nothing about – but that had jumped out as so perfect for this message?
It topped the charts back in 2010:
The year YOU started kindergarten….
Even though I didn’t know that, and until tonight - didn’t know exactly you – for weeks, I’ve been listening to and praying THESE WORDS, for YOU:
I can tell you, ‘cause I’ve already been there…
Please hear these simple truths:
Be strong in the Lord and
Never give up hope
You’re gonna do great things
I already know
God’s got His hand on you so
Don’t live life in fear
Forgive and forget but
Don’t forget why you’re here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say.
They couldn’t have treated me more graciously.
Neither the young men and women who received this message, nor their families, nor those who had trusted me to deliver whatever message I saw fit.
In the end, I didn’t say everything I’d thought I would that night, but I do believe it all worked out exactly the way God had always intended.
And as for the words I didn’t say… the lessons I didn’t end up passing along in the process… somewhere along the line I realized:
Those, He’d intended just for me.